Hidden Webcamio Apperance
by cyberspyderweb
Summary: Well someone has placed a webcam in the rooms of the Akatsuki. One day, One victim. Come see what what a day is like in their rooms! Warning: Hidan's big bad mouth is in it.
1. Pein: Day one

Disclaimer: I don't own anything Naruto related! Kishimoto does! He is one lucky man!

Disclaimer:I don't own Kool-aid, Scottie Paper towels, windex or Wal-mart. But they are all good products!

**Hidden Webcamio Appearance:**

A web cam has been set up for one whole day in each of their rooms, with out them knowing it! We really needed to see what everyone in the evil organization was secretly up to.The first person to have the hidden web cam in their room was The Great Leader Pein. Well just because he's the leader and should go first, plus he has to set an example for the rest of the organization doesn't he? So here we go.

**First up day one- Pein:**

In the morning:

Pein sat up and stretched in his king sized bed. He yawned as he did so he turned to see the other five of him still sleeping and Konan right beside him's. (him's get it?) He leaned over and kissed her on the lips, she opened her eyes and smiled at him.

"Good morning Pein. And Pein if you want to keep your hand then remove it from where you now have it!" Konan stated angrily.

Pein looked down at her confused "Huh?" he frowned.

Konan rolled over and punched the other Pein beside her in the face. She then climbed over Pein gave him a kiss and walked to the door.

"I'm going to go start breakfast and coffee. Tobi should be up by now and if I don't start to feed him, hell knows what kind of trouble he'll get in to."

Pein smiled his half assed sexy smile at her and nodded, she smiled back and went down stairs. Pein shot a deadly looked over at the other Pein who had his hand on Konan's somewhere. Well he didn't know where. He got out of bed, clad in only flannel boxers he fumed at Pein.

"This is your last warning! You want to live, keep your hands off her body!"

"Well she is one hot babe we know that right? And well I am you! So I touch her, it's exactly the same as you touching her."

"Not it isn't! I'm the only one of us that has that right! We've been through this how many times this week?! Let alone this month! She only wants one of me and that's me! That's it all of me go back to the basement! Get up Pein's and all of me back to the basement! I've had enough of me for one week! We'll try again next week if I all behave! Got it! So get up and go to the basement! Now!"

The rest of the Pein's awoke from the yelling of the other Pein. And decided it was not a good idea to argue with Pein this early in the morning. Yes if you got on Pein's wrong side early in the morning you would pay dearly for the rest of the day! Still all in their pajamas they headed for the door and proceeded down stairs, to the basement. Once all the Pein's were out of the room, he walked over to his dresser, opening various drawers to get his clothes for the day. He put them on top of the dresser and looked at himself in the mirror.

"You are a brave, strong, handsome, dedicated, loyal, sexy Leader! You will do great things today and do them for the sake of The Akatsuki Organization! We will breathe and live only for the main mission and will not stop until.."

"Pein are you doing your rant thing again?" Konan giggled.

"Uuhh...no"

"Well here's your coffee. Are you going to have a shower right away?"

"Yah, why?"

"Umm, well,...Tobi made it to the kitchen before I did and tried to make pancakes again. He poured the batter into the toaster again." She smiled sweetly trying not to anger him this early in the morning.

"Fuck! Doesn't that kid ever learn! What this is like the eighth fucking time he did this! In this month!"Konan walked over to him and put her arms around him.

"Calm down Pein. He didn't mean too, he was just hungry." She smiled up at him"plushetriedtomakeorangejuicetoousingtheblenderwithnolid."Konan mumbled.

"What was that?!"Pein looked down at her giving her that famous frown that didn't need any other words attached to it.

"Oh nothing, you go jump in the shower and I'll go help Tobi clean up the mess. By the time you are done the kitchen will be clean." She kissed his cheek and went back down stairs. He stood there with his arms closed for a moment.

"If she didn't stand in my way most of the members would be dead already. Damn that woman!" He swore as he left the room to go shower.

After lunch:

Pein walked in and went to the bed to lay down for a while. There was a loud knock on the door that sounded more like pounding.

"What do you want?" Pein asked annoyed.

"Tobi wants to go to the park but Kisame said no! And now Tobi is sad! And Tobi still wants to go to the park! And Tobi is still sad because he still wants to go to the park! Tobi is still sad!"

"Alright, alright ALRIGHT! I get it your sad! Go tell Kisame that he can take you to the park for an hour! If he still says no, then tell him that I will burn everyone of his condoms from his secret stash!"

"Condoms? Uhhhh Okay... Tobi will... Thank you Pein! Tobi will bring you back some sand from the sand box! Sand is fun!" Tobi yelled as he ran down stairs.

"Little bugger! He better not! Last time he brought home clay from the park that turned out to be cat shit! Calm down Pein he's just a kid. A very stupid kid."He spoke to himself.

He napped for like twenty minutes before another knock was on his door.

"What?!?"

"The accounting for the organization is done. The bank book is up dated and the stocks you invested in are doing well."

"Fine Kakuzu. Give the file to Konan. Did Kisame take Tobi to the park?"

"Yes. Konan also gave them money for icecream. What a waste when we have some in the freezer! The cost for one cone is enough for two liters of icecream! You can buy 100 cones for $2.99 at Wal-Mart! It was a waste of money!"

"What ever Kakuzu. At least he's out of everyones hair for a good one to two hours right? Isn't it worth it?."

"Now that you do mention it, yes. And by the way Hidan killed two more people. The mailman and Suigetsu."

"What?!?"

"Well the mailman left pamphlets about Christianity again. Well, killing Suigetsu was actually an accident for once. Konan told him to clean the outside windows. He was up on the ladder using windex and he had a roll of those new super absorbent Scottie paper towels. Which I think are over priced. When Suigetsu asked Hidan where Kisame was, Hidan went to go down the ladder to answer, but he slipped, landed on Suigetsu and the Scottie towels sucked him right up. But we think he's dead but are not totally sure. Hidan put him in a bag on the counter until Kisame gets back."

"You know that's the sixth mailman we went through since we lived here. What did you do with the body?"

"Konan told Zetsu to eat it, so he did."

"Good anything else?

"No."

"Good let me nap then!"

Pein napped for another thirty minutes before a knock disturbed him.

"Huh? What?!?"

"Konan wants to know what you want for supper, un?"

"Whatever she feels like cooking. Does she feel like cooking?"

"How should I know, un?"

"Well tell her I feel like chicken, so anything with chicken is good for me."

"Got it,un?"

"Wait! How is the Suigetsu situation doing?"

"Well Sassori managed to get most of him out of the Scottie towels, using Hiroku, but we had no other place to put him so we put him in the Brita filter! So now he's clean and pure! Good thinking, un?"

"Yah, I guess. Just make sure no one drinks him."

"Yes sir, un?"

Well that was the end of that nap. Pein got up and looked at the clock, it read 2:03 pm. Well there was no way he was going to get sleep now. He got up and made his was over to his bookshelf. His eyes skimmed over the shelves looking for something interesting to read. His hand landed on a book and he made his way to his reading chair by the window. He read his favorite book "Nanny 911, expert advice for all your parenting emergencies" It really helped him understand the other people in his organization alot better. Especially the Uchiha. That was one weird emo guy. He read a couple of chapters before being interrupted by another knock on the door.

"What?!?"

"Hey! Fucking Orochimaru phoned, seriously! The old butt fucker wants to know where his little ass buddy Suigetsu is? I told the shit licker to phone you back later!"

"Hidan, how is the situation going?"

"Well you see it's fucking... kinda... friggin complicated! Uhhh, well you see we put him through the fucking Brita filter and there was more fucking water than we first ...shit uh,... thought so we put half of it in a juice jug. Well the Fishstick dropped Pumpkin head off so he could pick up the fucking chicken for Konan at Sobey's. Tobi fucking wanted Kool-aid so, the dip shit put kool-aid mix in Suigetsu and turned him fucking blue! But Good fucking news! If the puddle bastard lives, he'll be as fucking blue as Fishstick! He'll fucking look just like his fucking son!"

"Okay."

"Yah, so what now?"

"I'll be down stairs in two minutes."

"Yah sure."

Pein finished reading the chapter and walked to the door to go downstairs.

Evening just before bed:

Pein entered followed by Konan in her pajamas. She went and crawled into his bed as he went to his dresser and pulled out a pair of flannel boxers. He stripped down his back towards her.

"You know you look so sexy in those boxers"

Pein smirked "Yah I know. By the way what did Orochimaru have to say about Suigetsu?"

Konan sighed" Well it went like this"

Konan's flash back:

She walked Suigetsu who was now whole again back to Orochimaru's. There were still two things wrong with him, one he was as blue as Kisame, two from the Brita filter purification, he was stupider than Tobi! She pressed the doorbell and waited for Oro to answer, the door opened.

"Well hello there Konan, long time no see. So are still with that six person'd man, you know the Leader Pein?"

"Yes, yes I am, we are now sleeping with together and make love almost every night. He's awesome in bed and likes alot of foreplay."

"Well if you ever want a real man then stop by! Foreplay what is he a pansy? Real men don't do foreplay! Do you miss me?"

"Oro that was one night! Well not even more like 5 minutes! I was so drunk I didn't even know what we did until Kakuzu told me a week later!"

"It was 10 minutes and you enjoyed it!"

"Okay whatever it doesn't matter! Here's your boy back!"

Oro looks at him.

"WTF happened?!?! "

"Calm down Oro it's not that big of a deal! Here's what happened. Hidan accidentally sucked him up with a Scottie towels. Sassori squeezed him out. Tobi tried to make Kool-aid out of him. Kisame put him back together. He had supper with us. He's a bit brain dead. He's a bit blue! Sorry! Have a nice night!"

She walked down the front walk.

"Tell Pein I'll get him back for this! The boy only wanted to ask Kisame for a condom! He had a date with Karin! This isn't over you blue haired bitch!"

"Shut up you 5 minute one shot!"

"Ten minutes! Ten minutes!"

End flash back!

Pein cocked an eyebrow "That's how it went huh?" He climbed into be beside her. She just nodded.

"Well then he can just bring it on!" Pein looked at her. "Why did you sleep with him?"

"I was drunk! Pein get over it, I wasn't with you, we were broken up at the time, I have no idea! Good-night Pein!"

"Humm! Good enough for me! He is so jealous of me isn't he?"

"Yes! Now good-night!"

"Are you tired?"

"Yes!"

"Do you wanna..."

"Not tonight, I have a headache."

"Do you want me to get some Aspirin for you?"

"No! I just want to go to sleep"

"Can I just.."

"No!"

"Please? Don't make me bag."

"Pein go to sleep!"

"Please? I won't bother you again if your not in the mood."

"You said that last time! And the time before that and the time before that."

"This time I mean it."

"No!"

"I'll let you make the guys paint their toenails purple too!"

"Fine have it your way. Strip down sexy!"

Well you know what happens next, just use you imagination. o0

End of day one.

**Day Two: Kisame**

A day in life of Kisame's room. check out to see what happens! Next time readers!

Please Review you know I would do it for your story:)


	2. Kisame: Day two

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto! Or the products mentioned in this story! Thanks for the review guys! You Rock!

**Day two Kisame:**

Kisame woke up in her queen sized water bed. He put his hands behind his head, waves were created as his body weight moved around. He really enjoyed this! He would lift his leg and and bring it back down to create more waves when they stopped. It made him fell closer to what he was comfortable in, water. His bed always put a smile on his handsome sharky face. He looked at the mini blinds that didn't work very well to keep the sun out. So he decided to get out of bed.

He rolled off the bed causing large waves in the water mattress. He stood up and stretched, which looked good because he was only clad in gold fish boxers! He smiled as he walked over to his sword. he picked up the mighty weapon and swung it over his shoulder. He went to the middle of the room and with two arms he looked like he was about to bat something.

"Suigetsu, I am your father! Follow me to the dark side! I will give you unlimited power beyond you wildest dreams! FanGirls and YaoiBoys will obey your every command with out question or thought!" He looked at himself in the mirror with a strange deep voice. "What was that you little bastard? You won't join your father? Well then I shall kill you!" He waved his sword around doing a very poor Star Wars act! He swung his sword around making Light Saber sounds. " You will never feel the power I feel you are too weak! And now very stupid thanks to your purification now you shall die easily! Then revenge is mine! I will buy more Scottie towels!"

There was a loud knock on the door.

"Yah, what?"

"Tobi!"

"What do you want Tobi?"

"Tobi wants to tell you sommmethiiiing!"

"Fine come in!" Kisame put the sword down.

Tobi came in and ran over to Kisame's bed and jumped on it causing big waves in the bed.

"Wwwwweeeeee!"

"Tobi get off of my bed! You know your not allowed on it! You broke the old water mattress!" Kisame looked pissed and started to walk towards him.

Tobi jumped off "Deidara helped Tobi brake it! He gave Tobi a teddy fish! Then it exploded!"

"What ever just stay the hell away from my bed! Now what do you want?"

"Oh! Konan wants you to go to the store at nine! We need food! Tobi is a good boy and a hungry boy. Tobi wants food!"

"Yah, sure I'll go at nine. Now leave so I can go get ready!" He said trying to shove Tobi out the door.

"Kisame! Tobi wants to come too!"

"No! Your not coming Tobi! I had to take you to the park yesterday! Someone else turn to entertain you!"

"But Tobi wants to go with Kisame! Please?"

"No! Your not coming!"

"Yes Tobi is!"

"No your not!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No! And that's final Tobi your not coming!" Kisame fumed.

"Well guess what Kisame?" If you could see Tobi's face you know he had on a mischievous smile.

"I don't care Tobi your not coming! So get out!"

"Well Tobi has to come if he's stuck to your leg!"

Without warning Tobi fell to the ground and wrapped himself around Kisame's left leg. His arms and legs were wrapped around good and tight, his butt on Kisame's foot, like a four year old who wanted a leg ride. Kisame tried to shake him off by kicking and shaking his leg really hard. But the man boy hung on tight!

"Tobi what the hell are you doing!"

"Now Tobi has to come!"

"Get the hell off of me you crazy little bastard!"

"No!"

"Tobi this is your last chance or I'll cut you off with my Samehada! I mean it!"

"No you don't!"

Kisame had a hard time walking with the 28 year old attached to his leg. He slugged very slowly to where he had placed his sword.

"Tobi your dead when I can reach it!" Kisame yelled at him.

"No because Pein will kill you!"

"I don't care! If he does at least I won't have to take you to the store!"

Kisame struggled as he slowly made his way to his sword. His long arm help as he leaned over and grabbed the massive sword by the handle. Kisame quickly raised it in the air giving Tobi his evilest sharky grin!

"AAAaaaahhhhhhhh!" Tobi yelled as he let go and crawled away at a very fast speed towards the door. He wasn't looking to where he was going and his head crashed in to something hard. Tobi looked up.

"Tobi what are you doing?" A very emotionless tone asked.

"Well good morning Itachi. Tobi was just leaving, right Tobi?" Kisame put his sword down and smiled at Tobi.

"But, but Tobi really, really wants to go with Kisame!" You could hear the sadness in his voice.

"No you can't Tobi! I already told you no!" Kisame crossed his arms.

"Tobi is sad!" Tobi started to cry with his head down, rubbing his one eye hole with his hand.

"Tobi Konan's calling you, go see what she wants" Itachi waved his hand to the door.

"Tobi didn't hear her! Konan yells super loud! Tobi would hear her!" He cried

"I was being nice. Tobi go find Konan so she can deal with you." Itachi sounded bored

"Tobi is still saaaad! Kisame is meeeean!" Tobi walked out of the room crying and went to go find Konan.

"Finally! Thanks Itachi! I thought he'd never leave. So what brings you to my room?" Kisame grinned at Itachi.

"Konan told me you were going to the store. I need you to pick up some photo shop paper for my printer. I'm all out."

"What? You just bought some two days ago! You bought four packages! Your making more Sasuke pictures aren't you?"

"It is none of your business what I do with the photo shop paper."

"Itachi your not making more pictures of what you want from Sasuke are you? First you want his eyes, then his hair and then his butt! What body part do you want from him this time? When are you going to stop this? Your even starting to weird me out!"

"Kisame I'm over that whole faze. Just get me the paper."

"Not until you tell what your doing!"

"I'm selling several pictures of 9 year old Sasuke crying like a 4 year old sissy little girl on e-bay."

"Huh? How did you mange to get pictures of that?"

"Oh I just took a bunch a second after he found my whole clan wiped out. I used my cell phone to capture his expression. It's actually quiet pleasingly priceless. It makes me smile on the inside. My favorite is when he's holding his head screaming in pure shock and agony. Do you want to see the pictures?"

Kisame just stood there, really not knowing what to say to the Uchiha.

"No that's okay, I'll just pick you up more paper."Kisame smiled with his hand behind his head.

Itachi just nodded and left the room. Kisame was glad. He went to his dresser and pulled out clothes from different drawers. He just about walks out the door when remembers.

"Oh sorry guys! I forgot all about you! You guys must be really hungry!" He walked over to his fish tank and tapped lightly on the glass. He opened the container of fish food and sprinkled some on top of the water. "There you hungry little guys! Wow Jaws you sure are getting big! You too Razor, Killer and Barracuda. Hummm, Jashin you don't seem to be growing any, I wonder why?" He looked at the tiny fish then shrugged his shoulders.

He grabbed his clothes and headed for the bathroom to get ready for the day.

After Lunch:

Hidan sneaks into Kisame's room and makes his way to the fish tank. Out of his Akatsuki cloak he pulls out a fish bag from Wal-Mart with a gold fish inside. He then grabbed the net put he new fish in the tank and took out the old fish Jashin and put him in the bag. He smirked.

"Time to fucking sacrifice a Jashin fish! Haha! Big blue sucker fish never notices the fucking changes in the fish anyways!" With that he snuck out of the room.

An hour later:

"Kisame! Kisame! You in there, un?" Deidara asked "Hey jaws open the door!" Still he received no answer.

Deidara opened the door and looked inside and around.

"Kisame, un?"

Deidara smiled and snuck into Kisame's room. He shut the door behind him quietly. He went to the closet and was searching around for something. He pulled out a suitcase and unzipped the zipper quietly. He giggled to himself, he flipped the lid open and smiled at what was in there.

"Kisame you perv, un? Why the hell would he have so many freakin condoms, he only dates, what, like once a year, un?"

He grabbed a handful and shoved then into his pocket. "Well thanks for letting me borrow some , un?" He zipped up the suit case and put it back in the closet where he got it from. He made it quietly almost to the door when he stopped to look at the fish tank.

"Huh? Why is Jashin getting smaller, un?" He shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe it's a some kind of special shrinking fish, un?" He thought out loud as he snuck back out of the room.

Thirty minutes later:

Kisame came into the room and seemed to be looking for something in his desk drawers. Kakuzu walked into his room holding his jaw with one hand and his shirt covered in blood. Kisame looked up and then looked confused.

"Kakuzu uh, what's wrong with your jaw?

"Hidan! The idiot was sacrificing something in the backyard and started to wave his freakin' scythe around and I was hit."

"Yah, okay."

"He sliced open all my jaw stitching! I need some wire or strong string. Just until I can go buy some more medical stitching thread. Do you have anything?"

"Uh, humm, well I do have fishing wire will that work?"

"Sure."

Kisame found some in the top drawer and threw it to Kakuzu. Kakuzu just nodded as he left the room. But before he did leave.

"Hey, is it me or is Jashin getting smaller?"

"Huh? I checked him this morning he's fine. Why?

"Never mind." Kakuzu just left.

Kisame just found what he was looking for. His MP3 player which held his favorite music. Groups like Linkin Park, Fall Out Boy, Green Day and Celine Dion! He turned it on and left the room.

An hour later:

There was aloud knock on the door.

"Kisame! Kisame it's Tobi! Tobi wants to come in!" No one answered so he knocked again.

"Kisame Tobi wants to come in! Tobi's happy again! Deidara took Tobi to the movies! Now Tobi is happy!"

Tobi opened the door and looked around" Kisame where are you?"

Tobi didn't see Kisame so he ran over to the water bed and started to jump on it! He jumped in the air and landed on his back on the bed.

"Wwwwwweeeeeeee!" He yelled out happily! He loved the big waves in the bed that moved his body around. He did this about thirty more times before he got bored and got up and looked at the fish tank.

"Hey! Mr.Jashin you look little today! Humm, maybe you just didn't like being big! Don't worry Tobi still loves you!" Tobi hugged the fish tank and left the room.

Bedtime:

Kisame walks in and closes the door behind him. He strips down (Yay!) and goes to his drawer to grab some pajama boxers and of course puts them on. He walks over to his fish and feeds them.

"Goodnight guys hope you had a good day today. Sorry you guys were probably lonely with no one to visit you huh? I really have to find more time so I can hang around with all of you" He taps the fish tank goodnight.

There was a knock at the door.

"Huh? What?"

"I need something that you have." A emotionless voice answered.

"Okay, come in." Kisame looked at the door when it opened and saw Itachi in his pajama's.

"I need some of your condoms."

"Okay, why?"

"I have to send some to a certain someone."

"Once again why?"

"Well if you must know" Itachi handed him letter.

Kisame read:

Dear foolish little Brother,

As you now know I am selling pictures of you on e-bay. You have gotten quite the response form the female fans. They seem to like you in a vulnerable state. From this you might actually get many dates. As your big brother I want to give you advice on the subject. Use these condoms. I will not have you producing offspring that are not worthy of the Uchiha name. They will be useless and pathetically emo just like you. You are not even worthy to carry the Uchiha name. So protect yourself for you safety and health. If you don't I will kill you.

Your older brother,

Itachi Uchiha

P.S. Thanks for the birthday present. The Sound Of Music is my favorite movie.

"Umm, okay." Kisame went to the closet and pulled out the suitcase. he unzipped the lid and looked inside.

"Hey, I thought I had more then this? Does it matter what kind?"

"The kind that prevent pregnancy"

Kisame just handed him the letter back and a handful of condoms. Itachi just left the room without saying a word and closed the door behind him.

"Well that was stranger then normal." He said shaking his head.

He turned off the light and crawled into his bed. It didn't take too long for him to fall asleep. The waves from his bed gently rocked him to sleep.

**Day Three Hidan:**

Let's see what the famous Jashinist is up too! Day three is coming!


	3. Hidan: Day three

Disclaimer: I don't own you! But if I did I would make you review!

**Day Three: Hidan**

Hidan rolled over and looked at the clock it read 7:12 am. He rubbed his forehead and sat up to see the sun peeking through the pretty well useless blinds.

"Fucking sun! Why the hell does it just have to fucking shine in my room every friggin' morning! Damn it!" He complained.

He rolled over and got out of bed despite not wanting to. The hidden cam then went to censor mode! Hidan didn't sleep in any type of pajamas or clothing! He goes to bed commando! He rubbed his hand through his hair and walked over to the dresser mirror and looked at him self. He gave himself a charming smile and a thumbs up that could out do Gai's! He looked down at the day calender he keeps and read the things he was going to do today. Well this morning he was supposed to wash all the floors in the house and take out the garbage before 10 am. Well that was easy. That was pretty much it on his agenda for today. He looked at the top of his calender and read the Garfield comic. He began to laughed.

"Haha, stupid Nermal! He deserves to get fucking his ass kicked! Yah, just try to take Garfield's ball of yarn!"

Still laughing he went over to the closet where he keeps his scythe locked up. He had to lock it up ever since Tobi used it for part of his Grand Reaper Halloween costume. It didn't go so well, Tobi ended up killing 2 teletubbies, 1 green M&M, 3 princesses, 1 pirate and 2 ghosts. Well Hidan thought that the ghosts had it coming since the parents were to damn cheap to buy their kids a fucking proper costume. Anyways once the closet was unlocked he grabbed out the scythe and made his way to the center of the room to begin his prayer.

He started out by blessing his room and himself, then making secret hand signs he made the sacrificial circle that was almost a direct contact to Jashin. He spoke the prayer that was memorized and bowed his head and brought his hands together. He skin turned to black and white designs. He bowed once more and but this time brought one of his hands up and with his scythe. He closed his eyes, then with super speed brought the great scythe down on him self and stabbed it right through his leg, so it was coming out the other side. He swore and tried kept his face emotionless as he felt the pain wash over him. He gritted his teeth and raised the scythe to the air again.

"I will sacrifice my body and soul to the Great God Jashin!"

He then brought down the sword and it impaled him in the stomach, the sharpest part coming out of his back. He short shallow breaths as blood started to dribble out his mouth. He closed his eyes and you could see his face scrunch up from the pain he was feeling. He tried to move the the scythe out from his midsection but it didn't seem to move. He pulled harder but it only moved a bit. He sighed.

"Shit! I think it's stuck in some bone again! Of all the days this had to fucking happened, today just had to be it! Fuck!"

He pulled hard but it didn't budge, so he just kept on pulling. Blood leaked all over the floor of his room. He grabbed under the top blade and using the other hand he put it around the handle. He waited and counted out loud to himself.

"One, two, three, PULL!"

The scythe came out and flew across the room at a very high speed. Hidan who was attached to the end of the rope was pulled along with it. He ended up taking a couple of steps forward and fell to the floor on his stomach. The scythe rebounded off the wall! And landed right in the middle of his back!

"Holy Jashin In Heaven!" He yelled as he turned his head to see the scythe stick out of his back. "For fuuuuucksakes!!!! Ooouuuccccchhhhh!"

He jumped up and pulled the weapon out of his back, he angrily walked back to the circle he was in and finished his prayer. He ended it with. "I know I have done something wrong, for you showed me humiliation today Oh Mighty Jashin! I see the errors of my way and I now repent for all my wrong doings that have offended you so! Yesterday I gave you a sacrifice of an animal that was loved by many. I now see that I might need something a bit bigger. Maybe one of the neighbors cats or dogs! Or maybe one of Zetsu's Bonsai tree's! I'll find something that will please you Mighty Jashin! Something I promise!"

Hidan bowed and removed the chakra he used when he prayed and the circle and his coloring returned to normal. He was now almost completely covered in blood on the lower half of his body! He went to his dresser and opened his small container of Kando wipes for toddlers using the small green button. He pulled out a couple and began to wash his hands and feet off. His house mates hated it when he left bloody foot prints all over the house. They had no respect for his religion! Fucking heathens!

There was a knock on the door.

"WTF do you want?"

"I have a message for you, un?!"

"WTF is it?!"

"Pein said you have to clean the bathroom! You left it full of blood yesterday, un?"

"Fuck that it wasn't me! I washed myself off outside with the hose! Fucking ask Zetsu! He watched me the whole fucking time like I had Burger King written on my friggin' chest!"

"If it wasn't you then who was it , un?"

"How the fuck should I know!" Hidan opened his door and glared at Deidara. "You guys act like I'm the only fucking person who bleeds all over the place around here! There ARE other fucking people around here you know?!"

"Yah, un?" Deidara lifted an eyebrow at Hidan and then let his eyes travel down his body and back up. Causing Hidan to look down at himself.

"Shut your fucking clayhole Blondie! I was praying! I didn't make the mess yesterday!"

Deidara walked away and turned to Hidan "Just clean it, un?"

"Why the fuck should I?"

"Because Pein told you too,un?"

"Fuck! Whatever fine! I'll clean the fucking bathroom! Are you fucking happy now you fucking heathens? When you all die Jashin will kick your sorry heathen asses! And I'll just laugh at all of you!"

"Fine you guys do that. Just go clean the bathroom!, un?"

Hidan fumed as he slammed the door to his bedroom. he went to his dresser and pulled out pants and underwear. He then went to his shelf and grabbed 10 various hair products that kept his hair the way he wanted it to be held. He then grabbed his hair straightener, his blow dryer and then his clear bobby pins. How do you think his hair stays back like that? And he headed off to get ready for the day!

An hour later:

Hidan comes in and cleans the blood off the floor, humming sweetly. He walked up to his miniature Jashin Shrine and kissed the top of it. He then offered Jashin a sacrifice by placing a dead Bonsai Tree in the offering jar. He quickly says a prayer and leaves his room.

After lunch:

Hidan came into the room rubbing his forehead and bitching as always.

"Fucking females! Why the hell can't they just shut up and listen! What happened to the good old days when you could just backhand them if they said no? Seriously! She has to bitch about everything! She a woman, she should have to clean the kitchen! But noooo she had to give Tobi a bath! Fucking pumpkin headed brat! Like it's my fault he's covered in Nestle Quick chocolate syrup? Konan should've asked someone else to make his chocolate milk then! How was I supposed to know he's not allowed to hold the bottle?"

He bitched as he walked over to his desk and opened the top drawer. He grabbed the locked book and went to his bed, he flopped down on his stomach and opened the locked book. He pulled out the pen that was attached to the side. He began to write.

Dear diary,

Today went okay so far, here's what happened this morning:

Pein: Well Pein got a phone call this morning from Orochimaru saying that if he didn't pay for the treatment Suigetsu needed to become normal again, he was going to call Children's Aid on them and have Tobi removed from their custody. Pein decided to pay up. But said that Oro was just jealous, now that their child was smarter than his! Konan was angry and busted the phone again. That makes phone number 64 gone. She needs to learn how to vent her anger on things we don't use!

Kakuzu: Well Tobi found a dollar in the couch while looking for those fucking stupid imaginary House Hippos they show on those retarded kid commercials! And Kakuzu swore the dollar was his, but Tobi said it belonged to the House Hippo who lived in the couch and tried to shove it back into the couch. Kakuzu used his threads and took it anyways. Tobi cried but Kakuzu gave him the sword Suigetsu left here the other day. Diary do not tell Konan! Oh Kakuzu also was singing to his money again! You know that "You are so Beautiful" song? Jeez he sounds like a fucking fruit cake!

Sassori and Deidara: Well they had another one of their little fights over who was going to wash and who was going to dry the dishes. Well you should know how that turned out! Deidara lost and had to wash, he snuck an exploding plate to Sassori and you know the rest. We need new dishes and Pein asked Tobi to pick up all of Sassori. Tobi's having fun putting him back together.

Kisame and Itachi: Well they were gone when I woke up. They had a mission from Pein to go find the best burgers in the whole world! Yah I forget the name of the place maybe Bright Fortress? White Kingdom? Snow Castle? Who knows?

Zetsu: He's just in the garden doing hell knows what?!

Konan:She's in a mood! She enters the room we leave the room! Yah Oro really pissed her off! She yelled at him over the phone "You ever call children's aid on us and have Tobi apprehended I will come over there! And the first thing I'm going to do is rip out your eyes and shove them down your throat! So you can see all the shit I'm going to shove up your ass!" And that was the **first** thing she said! She made me so proud today! If she was single I'd totally go for her! She was hot! No wonder why Pein loves her! But we now need a new phone.

Well that's enough for now Diary chat later.

He locked up his diary and went to his desk to put it away.

There was a knock on the door.

"WTF do you want?!"

"Hidan it's me Tobi! Konan said you have to babysit Tobi! Konan has to go some where!"

"What?!? Why the hell can't she take you with her?!"

"Konan said if Tobi is a good boy he gets a Happy Meal! Yay, Tobi!"

"Why can't Pein watch you then?"

"He's needs to go too! And Deidara watched me yesterday!"

"Well what about Pinocchio?"

"Tobi mixed up his pieces, so Pein is seeing if a man named Kankuro can put him back together!"

"What about psycho plant?"

"Zetsu is hiding in the neighbors green house again! Pein told Tobi not to go near him! Pein said he's putting his personal seed on plants again!"

"AAaaaahhhh! FINE I'LL WATCH YOU! JUST,... just never mention that to me ever again! EVER!"

Hidan opened the door and looked at Tobi holding his Little Ninja People Playhouse, swinging it back and forth while rocking on his heels. Tobi yelled downstairs"Konan! Hidan said yes!"

"Good we'll be back in a couple of hours! Tobi be a good boy for Hidan! I love you!"

"Tobi also loves me!" He yelled down the stairs, and the front door slammed closed. "Tobi wants to play Little Ninja People with Hidan!"

Hidan knowing he didn't having a choice in the matter complied. After setting up the house and putting the ninja people where they belong, Tobi began to play. Basically when you played with Tobi, all you had to do was watch him. Even when you had to watch him, you really had to watch him! You couldn't turn around for a second most of the time. Almost every time Tobi was babysat he got into trouble some how.

"Hidan Tobi has to go pee!"

"What's fucking holding you back pumpkin head?"

"Tobi will be right back!"

Hidan just sat there and waited for him to come back. After 2 minutes he started to get suspicious, a second later there was a loud crash and a "Hiiiiiiiiddaaaan!"

Hidan jumped up and ran down stairs. "You little shit! What did you do now?!?!"

Evening:

Hidan came in, cleaned up Tobi's toys and put the house in the hallway. He went over to his miniature Jashin shrine and knelt down.

"Today Jashin I showed you that I can take any kind of pain you throw my way. I live to serve you and will go through great lengths to be closer to your greatness. Today was a test and I passed. Not only did I watch the Pumpkin Headed Demon but I cleaned up his mess. And Took his weapon away. By the way Kakuzu gave it to him not me, he aided the demon! Konan is sooooooo pissed, but hey, I don't get payed to watch him. And Pein is just pissed because Konan is pissed. Man he's whipped! Hope you like the Bonsai! Good night Jashin!"

Hidan stripped down and put all his clothes in the laundry hamper. All two articles! He went over to his date book and wrote two things down for tomorrow. 1. Call the friggin' plumber to fix downstairs toilet, Tobi tried to fucking flush it using Suigetsu's sword. 2. Buy rope for next time I'm fucking forced to watch the little bugger!".

He turned off his light and crawled into bed, he turned on his soothing nature sounds CD and within minutes he was asleep.

**Day Four: Itachi**

On to the next victim., errrrr well, person! See the emotionless Uchiha in action! Next time readers:)


	4. Itachi: Day four

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the products in this story. But do own some.

**Day Four: Itachi**

A loud bang on the door woke the sleeping Uchiha from his sleep. He sat up.

"What do you want?"

"I have a message to deliver to you."

"Come in" Itachi watched as the door opened and a small figure emerged.

"We have a meeting in an hour. Pein wants everyone to attend." Sasori's child like, emotionless, monotone voice said.

"Are we going on mission today?"

"I have no idea, but Deidara needs one soon. He replaced the soap with exploding clay again. Kakuzu is being stitched up by Hidan."

"Really?"

"Yes, so how did your mission go yesterday?"

"Not good, we failed at finding the secret place, called White Castle of the perfect burgers, and had to settle for Arby's. Pein handed our asses to us. Now I have to see if I can find Sasuke and take his."

"See I have no idea why the rest of the Akatsuki thinks we are strange. It's good to have spare parts isn't it?"

"Yes it is. Replacing parts is better then looking ugly. There is no room for ugly people on this planet"

"So true. So true."

"How did your parts problem work out."

"Good, Kankuro really knows what he's doing. He even threw in new hair and teeth for free."

"Glad to hear that. I'll be down for the meeting soon."

Sasori nodded and closed the door behind him as he left. Wow that was the most emotionless, non-expressive conversation I have ever heard. Those two should never talk again! Itachi pulled the covers back and got out of bed to turn on the light in his room. He was wearing pajama pants and a white shirt. He walked over to the corner to a practice dummy who had a Sasuke picture attached to it's head.

"Well Sasuke I now have all the spare parts I need! So now foolish brother you shall die!"

He yelled at the practice dummy. He put his hand to his mouth and did the famous Uchiha Fireball jutsu and roasted the picture of Sasuke right off the dummy! He went to the window and opened it. He did this so his house mates didn't complain about smell of burnt wood every morning, like they did in the past. And the smell made Sassori overly paranoid and he hid inside Hiroku until the smell was gone. Itachi walked over and replaced the picture of Sasuke and smirked at it.

"Well your lucky I'm feeling generous today, foolish little brother. You can live another day. But remember to live like today is your last because it is."

Itachi went to his closet and picked out his clothes for the day. He went to his shelf and grabbed a his Oil of Olay total face moisturizer and eye lifter. Early sign of aging were clear on his face. He wanted the lines to be less noticeable. He left and headed to the bathroom.

45 minutes later:

Itachi came in and put his clothes in the laundry basket and his face stuff away. He brushed his long over grown mullet and put the back into a pony tail. He looked at him self in the mirror and sighed.

"What does Sasuke have that I don't. Well he does have good eyes, no early aging lines, a nice firm ass and small soft delicate girly hands. Well at least I'm stronger then him. And can take what I want from him. Kabuto said he'd give me a 25 discount on the plastic surgery transplant."

Itachi just shrugged his shoulders and walked out of the room to go downstairs to the meeting.

After lunch:

Itachi walks in and goes over to his desk sits down and turns on his computer. He twirls around in circles in his chair until it is done uploading. He goes on the internet and checks his email. He has three messages waiting for him.

First message: To: clan-killer-hottie-#1

From: copy-kat-icha-icha

Hey,

Just want to send a hello your way. What have you been up to lately? I've seen you on Konoha's Most Wanted. You guys are still in the spotlight. Congrats! Well I just wanted to write you to let you know that I'm a bit concerned about Sasuke. He's living with that perverted snake Orochimaru. Oro's also wanted on charges for kidnapping young teenaged males! Make sure he's ok will you? I'm just worried a bit that's all. Hey did you read the new Icha Icha Paradise book? It' called "Pick a toy at Ho's-R-US" Yah crazy title huh? Well I'll let you go back to all your Raping, Pillaging and Plundering of Villages. Have a good one!

Kakashi Hatake.

To: copy-kat-icha-icha

From:clan-killer-hottie-#1

Hi,

Thank you for noticing our badness. We try hard to earn the title of the most wanted criminals! I am aware that my foolish little brother is living with Orochimaru. I did talk to him about it. He said he likes it there. Oro has his own amusement park. He calls it Never Never land an has tons of fun rides. All the boys there love it! Oro gives them all Jesus Juice if they all behave. But what is weird is that Oro sleeps in the same bed with them sometimes. Shows them pictures of naked men and loves to hug them all the time. That's creepy. Yah I just picked up the new Icha Icha book. I'm just starting to read it. Looks good. Chat later.

Itachi Uchiha

Second message: To: clan-killer-hottie-#1

From: i-want-2-kill-my-bro

Hi,

Yah Thanks alot for the letter! (I'm being sarcastic!) I don't need your advice on dating! I don't date and will never until you are dead! I don't care for FanGirls and YaoiBoys. They mean nothing to me. So I heard what you and your crew did to Suigetsu! He was my right hand man! But Orochimaru said he'd make sure you guys will pay for that! Now Kabuto has to take his place until Suigetsu's normal! Did you know Kabuto humps Oro's human/ whatever experiments and Karin! I don't know which is worse? Oh don't tell Suigetsu I told you that! But I will kill you for this! Oh and your welcome! I knew you'd love that movie! The Sound of Music is a classic! Oh by the way I beat your top score at DDR! Now whose the Uchiha Dance Master?! Say my name bitch! Say my name! Sasuke! Oh yah! Well I have to go now so take care and see you next fight we have. This time don't embarrass me and say you want my ass to go where your is. The guys have been bugging me about that. They think your gay. Are you? Well chat later

Sasuke Uchiha.

To: I-want-2-kill-my-bro

From:clan-killer-hottie-#1

Hello my foolish little brother,

There is no way you could ever beat me at DDR! I will always have the top score! I lied about what I actually got, add 13,675 Points to that! How evil of me to lie to you right? You lack dance talent. Am I gay? What do you think? What a stupid question. And I wasn't involved in the stupidness of Suigetsu. Pein and Oro will handle it. But beware Oro pissed off the only female in our organization. Oro threatened to call children's aid on them and have Tobi taken away. I think we should call them in return for all the teen boys Oro has collected. He a predator just to let you know. As for Kabuto advice always walk behind the man. Have fun with your new team mate. I was aware The Sound of Music is a classic. My favorite part is where they sing that good-night song to their father. We should of did that for our father when he was alive. Oh well. I want to tell you about the dream I had last night, little brother. I dreamed I had killed the whole clan in search for more power! And I took picture of you crying about it! I later sold them! I let you live to use you for spare body parts. And to get your revenge you moved in with a teenaged boy loving pedophile who promised you more power! And you still lacked a shit load of stuff. I woke up and found everything to be true. I just wanted to tell you that dreams really do come true for those of ultimate power. So it sucks to be you doesn't it? Well have a nice day little foolish brother.

Itachi Uchiha.

Third: To: clan-killer-hottie-#1

From: Tobi-is-a-good-boy

Tobi say Hi!,

Hi frum Tobi! Konan sayd Tobi kan rite yuo 2 u! Plummer man iz here to fix the toylit! Tobi helpid! Konan iz mad at Kakuzu 4 givin me the wepin! Pein sayd Tobi iz growndit 4 to daz. No nintendo ds! Tobi iz sad! sad sad sad Tobi! i git 2 wryte 2 u cuz i flused Pein z keez down da toylit! da plummer man iz gitin dem out rite now!and the toylit if fixd! u r keeeppin Tobi bizee! new toylit 4 Tobi! yay Tobi:) :) :) :) :) :) XD XD XD XD XD :p:p:p:p:p:p:0:0:0:0:0

by furm Tobi! Tobi! Tobi!Tobi! Tobi! Tobi!

To: Tobi-is-a-good-boy

From:clan-killer-hottie-#1

Tobi,

I'm glad the toilet is fixed and we now have a new one. Kakuzu was wrong to give you Suigetsu's sword, and it was wrong of you to use it to flush the toilet, it was also wrong of you to flush Pein's keys down the toilet. The punishment is well needed. They should of started to punish you along time ago, so you wouldn't be so out of control right now. If you were my kid you would never act that way. And if you did I would simply kill you for not being a good enough Uchiha. Do try to behave more.

bye for now Tobi

Itachi Uchiha.

Itachi closed his e-mail box and surfed the web a bit, looking at sites that were mostly about plastic surgery procedures and prices. He decided to stop thinking about it when he ran into a picture of Micheal Jackson. It disturbed him so much he was actually thinking about not having surgery. He was starting to get thirsty so he got up turned off his computer and left the room.

Evening:

Itachi came in and stripped down (drool) and threw the clothes in the laundry hamper. He went to his drawer and pulled out new pajama's and yes he put them on. (darn it) He walked over to the Sasuke pictured dummy and crossed his arm.

"Until tomorrow foolish little brother, until tomorrow. I will show you who the true DDR champion is. Good night and take very good care of yourself and my parts."

He went and turned off his bedroom light, walked to his bed and turned on the night stand lamp. He crawled into bed, opened the drawer and pulled out the new Icha Icha book. He read it for a bit.

Time elapsed:

His hand went under the covers, movement was seen, he threw his head back and swore, wiped himself off with a Kleenex, put the book away.

He turned off the light and fell asleep in no time! Yah, wonder why?

**Day Five: Kakuzu**

Well lets see what the Stitches is up to today! This could be interesting read and find out!


	5. Kakuzu: Day five

Disclaimer: I disclaim everything!

For the anon. reviewer: My story, my Tobi. This is my imaginary kid like Tobi and love him the way he is. I know he doesn't fit the series Tobi but this is all my imagination creation.

**Day Five: Kakuzu**

Kakuzu woke up to the sun on his face. He blocked it out with his stitched arm. He sat up and looked over to the corner where all his masks were sleeping, and scratched his head. Where the hell was Mr. Chicklets? He stood threw the blankets off and got out of bed. He was wearing a banana hammock. (male thong! drool) He when he got up he stretched out his whole body, making his muscles ripple and stitches stretch.(nosebleed) He then walked over and knelt down with his back to them. Three of the four masks each climbed back into him. It sounded pretty gross. Kinda like if you put a microphone to two people French kissing and amplified it. He looked around his room and under his bed, but he was no where to be found. Suddenly there was a knock at the door.

"Yah, what?"

"Fuckin' open the door! I have something that friggin' belongs to you Stitches!"

Kakuzu went to the door and opened it a crack to see what Hidan was talking about. Hidan just shoved the door open and walked in and glared at the stitched man. But then he looked at what he was or maybe wasn't wearing.

"Holy shit! What the hell is fucking wrong with you! Put on some fucking pants you old perv! Nobody wants to see that! God I'm going fucking blind from just looking at you! Geez!"

"I just got out of bed. You were the one who forced himself in here. Deal with it!"

Hidan closed his eyes. "Fine! Fuck! Whatever!" He pretended to not know where he was going like a blind man.

"Hidan what do you want?"

Hidan opened his eyes and looked angry at Kakuzu " Your fucking mask Mr.Chicklets tried to rape me last night! He crawled into my fucking bed and molested the shit out of me! This is the third time this fucking month! So go get your ass raping ,Jashin molesting mask out of there!"

"So that's where he went" Kakuzu pondered, then looked at Hidan. "I am not responsible for what he does when he is not in my presence."

"Like the fucking hell you not! You own him! He lives in your back! He's your fucking responsibility! You horny mask wearing fucktard!"

"I didn't molest you last night. And his name is Richard not Mr.Chicklets!"

"WTF ever! Just go get him out of my fucking room now!"

Kakuzu went to go fetch his last mask from the Jashinists room. Hidan stood there with his arms crossed until he came back. As Kakuzu entered the room there was a whistle. The kind saved for hot chicks.

"Looking good Kakuzu! Nice thong! Is that really comfortable the way it's stuck between your ass cheeks like that?"

"Shut up Kisame! Mind your own business!"

Hidan smiled "He has a fucking point you know! It's not covering much! Either get bigger underwear or chop off your fucking balls! Geez I'm going to have fucking nightmares about you now!"

"Quit looking then."

"It's kinda fucking hard not too. Your a fucking giant! It's at everyone else's freakin' eye level you twisted man whore!"

"At least I didn't get ass raped last night."

"I was molested! Not ass raped you sick fuck!" Hidan yelled in anger as he left the room, he slammed the door behind him.

Now that he was finally alone and had all of his masks reattached he went to the mirror and looked in it. He reached for the cup that held his teeth. They had been soaking in minty Polydent for the night. He placed them in carefully and let the threads of his mouth take over to hold them. He opened his drawers to get the clothes he needed for the day, and went off to shower.

45 minutes later:

Kakuzu came back and pull his dirty thong in his laundry hamper. I know you were wondering why he wear's tiny, tiny, underwear and backless shirts, it's not because he needs too. It's just because he can save more money due to less material in the clothing and he saves more money on the amount of laundry he has to do. Geez, if he didn't have house mates he'd be nude until he had to go out in public!(not a bad thing eh?).

He went to his closet an opened up the door. He knelt on his knees and his hands went on the dial of the safe he kept for Pein and his house mates financial needs. He was like their banker, being S-classed criminals, it's not like they could just walk into a bank and ask for a savings account or something. He made sure no one was looking even though there was like no one in the room. His hand rotated to the right, left then back to the right. The click was a conformation that the safe was now open. He looked inside and smiled so wide you think it would of split his face stitches. he pulled out three bags of money and hugged them tight.

"OMG have I missed you! You have no idea, what would happen to me if you ever disappeared! I would walk to the ends of the earth for you! I would never give you up for anything in the world!" He began to molest the money bags oh so, wrongly! "We never spend enough time together anymore. I need to see you at least twice a day to be satisfied! I just can't get enough of you!"

He stood up and held the money bags and rocked them. "And I, eee,i eee, i eee,i will always love you! ..."

"Hey Are you singing to your money again Kakuzu?"

"Mind your own damn business Kisame!"

"Then don't sing where I can hear you! Geez! Old age getting to you?" Kisame talked through the door.

"Shut up! Oh by the way, I can hear you having conversations with your fish, about everyone in this house!"

"Really?!? What did you hear?"

"How you think Konan should just give up and smack the shit out of Tobi."

"Hey I was mad at him at the time. He gets annoying sometimes and plus, Pein and Konan make us look after him all the time! "

"How about you thought Sasori should keep his tools up in his back opening panel, maybe he'd have a bit more emotion."

"The guy has less emotion in him then Itachi! And man that's hard to achieve! It's like talking to a tree!"

"How about the fact that you peeked at Deidara for two weeks in the shower, just so you could find out if he was a girl or not?"

"Hey that's just a given, I needed to know. He is a guy!"

"Damn rights I'm a guy, you assholes, un?!" Deidara's voice could be heard right besides Kisame's.

"Well Kakuzu I won't tell if you don't!" Kisame said fast as his voice started to become quieter from running down the hall.

"Agreed!"

"Your going to pay for that you big blue bastard, un?!?!" Deidara's voice trailed away to, following Kisame's.

Kakuzu gave the money bags one last squeeze and then put them back into the safe. He made sure the door was locked and shut the closet door. He turned and went to his desk, opened the top drawer and pulled out a tax calculator. He walked to the door and land left to go downstairs.

Afternoon:

"Kakuzu are you in there, un?" Deidara asked loudly, but didn't receive an answer.

"Hey Stitches you in there, un?" Still no answer.

Deidara walked and cautiously looked around before he took a step inside the room. He snuck over to Kakuzu's desk and opened the drawer. He pulled out the medical stitching thread that Kakuzu had just bought two days ago. He grabbed the five packs and ran quietly out the door with them, closing the door quietly behind him.

30 minutes later:

Kakuzu walked in holding his jaw once more covered in blood. He went to his desk drawer to find his medical thread to stitch himself back up. He rummaged around the drawer but couldn' t find it. Hidan who was also covered in blood and swearing was walking by. Kakuzu turned and called to him.

"Hey Hidan where the hell is my medical thread?!"

"How the fuck should I know where it is, you old fart?!?"

"Well your the only one who really likes to piss me off! And this is something that would sure in hell do it!"

"WTF would I take it for? Shit if I wanted to piss you off even more, I'd fucking do something better than take your fucking useless thread!"

"Well it's your fault I need it right now!"

"You wouldn't need it if you just learned to mind your own fucking business!"

"Yah well some has to say something, when your chasing the next door neighbors cat around yelling 'Come back you pussy fucker your Jashin's!' The lady was on the front steps crying!"

"She should learn to mind her own fuckin' business! Stupid bitch!"

"It was her cat you crazy Jashinist idiot!"

"Hey, don't ever bring Jashin into this! You fucking rapist carrying hunchback!"

"Some had to have the decency to stop you!"

"You know what? Everything was going fine until you came along!"

"Oh really? She called the cops on you! If it wasn't for me telling her you have brain damage caused from too much porno watching masturbation, she would of never dropped the charges! Look what I get for saving your ass!"

"Saving my ass? Saving my ass? Where the fuck where you last night? That's when I really needed you to friggin' save my ass!"

"I thought you said you were just molested?"

"Fuck you and your horny raping back men!"

Kakuzu just stood there holing his jaw with one hand to keep it from falling down. He turned and grabbed the fish wire he borrowed from Kisame and shook his head.

"You know things wouldn't got out of hand if you just stopped when I told you too."

Kakuzu walked to the mirror and used the fish wire to strap his face back together.

"Yah well, you shouldn't just be blaming me you know! Deidara, Zetsu and Tobi were also part of it too! And you were the one who started the fight with me on the front lawn!"

"You were the ring leader in this whole mess, you know that right? And I fought with you because you were swinging your scythe around yelling at the woman 'Stop crying bitch before I give you something to really cry about!' You started this whole mess!"

"What? Zetsu was after the cat first! I was trying to give meaning to the feline's death! An honorable death! A death with meaning! Not some small snack treat Zetsu wanted to eat!"

"The lady was on the steps yelling at the both of you."

"Well I didn't hear her over the explosion Deidara caused! He was the one who blew up the cat!"

"Yes well she blames you."

"What ever it's all Tobi's fault! If he didn't yell, cry and scream ' Mr.Fuzzy Boots is dead!' over and over and give the lady her cat back in three different pieces, I wouldn't of been in trouble!"

Kakuzu gave the Jashinist a hard glare, then stitching up the other side of his face.

"Yes it was all three of you that caused this problem. But it's your mouth and language that makes it a whole lot worse for you."

"WTF does my language have to do with it? I speak English you fuck tard!"

Kakuzu rolled his eyes and finished his work. Hidan just stood there and watched him as her finished. Kakuzu put the wire back on his dresser and Hidan smiled at him that annoying half grin.

"What Hidan?"

"Well you look a fucking different with invisible thread. You know like see through braces. Creepy."

"Shut up. Hidan your bleeding on the floor again."

Hidan looks down.

"Oh shit!" Hidan stepped out of the small pool of blood below him. "Well I'll fucking clean it up after my shower" And left.

Kakuzu went to his dresser and picked out some new clothes and went to go shower also, with Hidan. (hehehe) XD

1 hour later:

Kakuzu came in and put his bloody clothed in the laundry hamper. He went to the mirror and checked out his stitches to make sure they were in good shape still. He went to his bed to lay down for a bit. Well that's all he did for the next hour. Lalalalalalalawhatever.

There was a knock on the door.

"What?"

"Pein wants us to downstairs for a meeting. He said he wants us down in five minutes. It's about your cat cat-astrophe."

"Shut up, Kisame!"

"Whatever just be there." Kisame went downstairs.

Kakuzu got up and off his bed and headed downstairs for the meeting, that was going to involve punishment. That was just a given.

Evening:

Kakuzu walk in and went over to laundry basket, he put the clothes he was wearing in the basket, until he was standing there in his man thong. (drool) The stitched man was hawt! He knelt down on the floor and waited. nothing seemed to happen for the next minute until you could hear slurping noises along with small popping sounds. The first mask Richard but nick named Mr.Chicklets came out and using it's long tentacles crawled to the corner of the room. The next three followed one after the other, until all of them were off and in the corner to their beds, that were really intended for dogs but whatever. He went over to them and tucked them into their beds, he pulled a story off the desk and read them a quick story until they were all asleep, snoring soundly. (aww)

"No raping Hidan tonight Richard. He's had a hard day." He said rubbing his horny masks head.

He went to his closet and opened the door then the safe. He hugged his three money bags and kissed them all good night rocking them all back and forth. He put them back and locked up the safe and closed the closet door. With done that he went to bed. He turned off the light and crawled under the blankets. And not to soon after that he was asleep.

**Day Six: Sasori**

Let's see what the puppet master is up too! Does he have any secrets? Let's find out next time!


	6. Sasori: Day six

**Disclaimer:** Enter your thoughts here --------------------------- ! Thanks!

**Day Six: Sasori**

It was hard to tell when Sasori was sleeping, or if he was awake, when he slept. He slept with his fake big brown eyes wide open. It was kinda creepy in a way. He suddenly sat up and literally bounced out of bed. If you saw him now you would probably faint. All that was too him now was, well, just wood. 100 percent oak and nails and whatever else kept him together. He had no face but a mouth, eyes and a nub in the middle of his face for his nose. His wooden body was naked and was quite a sight to see! His body parts were designed to look human. They were created perfectly by him self, even his man thing was make of the same wood. Well he liked to look human as possible and that was one way of doing it.

He walked over to his dresser and opened the top drawer, inside were latex faces. At least 10 of them. He pulled one out and with both hands he pulled the latex face over the top of his head, and adjusted it to fit as he pulled it down. He looked in the mirror to make sure it was properly in place. He then plugged in his hot glue gun to attach his wig that was on the mannequin head on his dresser. He had to wait until it was hot enough so he could apply the glue. Without warning his door swung open.

"Danna! Danna! Look what I found! Un?" Deidara looked at him, "Aaaaaahhhhhh, un?"

Diedara screamed and covered his eyes. The scream caused Sasori to jump and grab his wig from the dresser and he put it on. It was lop sided.

"Sorry Danna! I thought you were awake, un?"

"Knock next time you fool!"

Deidara peeked through his fingers and look at the puppet who was trying to get his clothes out for the day.

"Un, Danna?"

"What?"

"Umm, your back butt hatch is open, un?" Deidara made a motion to his backside.

Well if puppets could blush he'd be blushing right now. The angry puppet gave Diedara a glare and slammed it shut. He quickly got him self dressed. Deidara uncovered his eyes and watched as Sasori applied the hot glue to the top of his head. He placed the wig carefully into position and looked in the mirror to adjust it to the right place.

"What did you want Deidara?"

"Un, Danna?"

"What now?"

"Yeah umm, your teeth, un?" Deidara pointed to his mouth.

Sasori glared once more and pulled his teeth out from the top drawer and placed them inside his wooden mouth. Now that he finally looked human he looked in the mirror just to make sure, making minor adjustments to his appearance.

"Now, what do you want?" He said still glaring at the clay bomber.

"Oh, yah! There is a super sale on modeling clay at Toys'r'us! Un?"

Sasori didn't look impressed at all. "A sale on clay? That's what you wanted to tell me?"

"No, no, not just any clay, art clay, un?!"

"A sale on art clay?"

"Yah, yah, colored art clay, un?! 10 for 5 dollars! I have to get some! Kakuzu gave me coupons, un?!!" he shouted happily.

"So you rushed here to tell me that?"

"Oh, and at Canadian Craft Warehouse, un, their having a sale on all wood Pine puppet pieces! 15 dollars a piece, un?!!"

"Wow that really is a good price. Where is this Canadian Craft Warehouse you speak of?"

Deidara looked at the coupon and read it out loud "In Canada, un!"

Sasori looked confused" Canada?"

"Look that's what it says, right here, un?" Deidara handed him the coupon and pointed out what he read.

"Where is that? Is it the name of a Village?"

"Un, I don't know. I was hoping you would know, un?"Deidara rubbed the back of his head.

"I've never heard of the place before now."

"Well your really old you think you'd know where it is, un?"

"You went to school not that long ago and had updated geography books, you should know where it is." Sasori crossed his arms.

"Well, I skipped school and joined the Akatsuki, un? Hummm, maybe it's a territory, un?"

"What grade did you make it too?"

"Six, un?"

"You joined when you were 16."

"I went to art school, un?"

"Rrrriiiiiiight. So do you know where we can get a map?"

"Kisame usually has one, so does Kakuzu, un?" Deidara nodded happily.

"I'll wait here, you go steal one."

"Don't you mean borrow, un?"

"No, steal, Deidara your a kleptomaniac."

"No I'm not Danna, un?"

"Yes you are." Sasori raised an eyebrow.

"Fine Danna! I'll go steal a map, un?"

The puppet master stood there for two minutes while he waited for the clay user to steal a map from one of the others. He tapped his foot with impatiences. Finally Deidara came running back in and handed him the map. Sasori opened it and looked around.

"Hey there is no Canada on this map! It's not a territory or a Village!"

"Why would Kakuzu have a coupon for it then, un?"

"He might just be losing his mind and making up his own coupons, and magical, imaginary places like Canada! Honestly did he think we would believe there is a place actually called Canada?"

"Your right Danna, un? Canada what a funny name, un?"

"Yah and who lives in Canada huh? People who build house Igloos out of snow and ice and live in them? Or maybe people who wear Tuques and say "eh?" all time? Kakuzu must be really loosing his mind!"

Both of them just laughed hard at this for a bit. Deidara rubbed his a tear that was forming from his eye.

"Danna do you want to come with me to Toys'r'Us to get clay then, un?"

Sasori sighed "Mind as well. It's not like we are going to Canada anytime soon."

With that he left both men left the room, Sasori closed the door behind them.

Tow hours later:

Sasori came in and put the model paints, puppet parts and a couple of other items down. since they could't go to Canada Sasori decided to just go to Grandmother Chiyo's Craft shop. She never was at the one he always went to. Well she owned so many of them, she had the largest chain of craft stores in all of the five vast territories. Add a bonus to that, because he was family so he received a 5 percent discount! (Cheap Grandmother Chiyo!) He left the items on the dresser and left once more, closing the door behind him.

After lunch:

Sasori had some spare time because Deidara and Tobi went to the park together to see if they could find stuff to blow up, and Tobi was promised cookies and milk if he behaved when he got back. Sasori made his way to the items he had purchased earlier and went to his closet to get the latest puppet he was working on. He made his way to the middle of the room and sat down. He placed the puppet opposite to him.

"Well having a twin brother can come in handy sometimes, huh? PACO?!?!"

Of course Paco couldn't reply. Sasori made up little conversations in his head and acted them out with his puppets. Yes he did look insane to the webcam's eye, but you know this is what they do in secret right? Any ways Paco nodded his head.

Sasori set to work on his half finished puppet. The chunk of wood was becoming more and more Sasori looking. Sasori did make the odd comments about Paco was going to be his replacement someday and how he should be honored.

Sasori getting a little bored from just being with Paco alone, he motioned with his fingers and 5 other puppets came walking out of his closet. and sat down around him as he worked.

"Well good afternoon, Mom, Dad, Big sister Elly Mae, Little sister Ayame and MacGyver. How nice to see you all again. Sorry I haven't been around to visit lately, but you know work can get in the way of family."

"What was that Elly Mae? ... Why would you say that? ... I'm the one creating him so I can do it how I want to! ... No you shut up! Mom! Elly Mae is harassing me again! ... Ha, mom is on my side!"

Well he had his imaginary conversations with his puppets for over an hour. And he worked on his twin brother.

"Dad McGyver is not a bad influence on me! He never did anything to offended you ever!... Dad you don't understand me anymore! You never have!... Mom tell dad he's over exaggerating!... Oh so your just going to stand there and take Dad's side again?... you guys never change you know that! Some day I'm going to just pick up and leave and move to Canada! That's right Canada! Far away from all of you!"

There was a loud knock on the door.

"WTF are you doing Pinocchio? Do you have your fagot army of puppets out again?"

"Hidan leave me in peace will you? Mind your own business!"

"Yah well, I fucking would! But I can hear you in my friggin' room you wooden butt stick! Fucking open a window you puppetity bastard! I'm getting light headed from all the fumes from your puppet shit!"

Sasori made all of his puppets walk back into the closet and he shut the door behind them. He walked over to his room door and opened it. He looked up at Hidan and glared. "Hidan, my window is open. Maybe you lost too much blood stabbing your self to you imaginary God."

"Oh? You just did not say that!"

"I believe I did!"

"Hey friggin watch what you say! Or I'll shove something up your back hatch that'll take fucking weeks for you to scoop out!"

With that Hidan stormed back to his room swearing, of course, slamming his door.

Sasori crossed his arms. "Your just jealous because I have a family."

Hidan banged hard on his bedroom wall. "I heard that Fucktard!"

Sasori just yelled back. "Well you weren't supposed too!"

Sasori left to go downstairs, closing the door behind him.

Evening:

Sasori walked into his bedroom followed by Tobi who was happily skipping around his room in a circle, wearing his superman pajama's complete with a cape. Under his arm he carried a pillow, sleeping bag and Glo-Worm.

"Tobi please stop what your doing."

"Tobi is happy! Tobi gets to sleep in Sasori's room tonight!"

"Well you know the only reason you get to sleep in here, is because your whole room is wet. And for the fact that Hidan broke your window when he fell out of it. Not that I'm complaining."

There was aloud bang on the wall. "I fucking heard that fire wood!"

"Well you weren't supposed too." Sasori crossed his arms.

"Tobi wanted to help clean the outside of the house!"

"Yes, I know Tobi. Next time you want to clean the house, make sure that all the windows are closed first."

"Tobi likes windows!"

"Yes, yes I know. Now roll out your sleeping bag and go to sleep."

"Tobi likes Sasori's room it's all big and stuff! And Tobi likes the smell of paint and glue! It makes Tobi dizzy and happy!"

"Good now crawl into your sleeping bag and go to sleep."

Tobi snuggled into his sleeping bag and hugged his Glo-Worm, Tobi giggled.

"Tobi thought it was funny when Hidan fell out of Tobi's window! Hidan tripped on Tobi's Little Ninja People airplane!"

There was another bang on the wall.

"It wasn't funny you friggin pumpkin headed Baboon! I could of fucking killed myself!" Hidan fumed.

"Hidan you weren't supposed to hear that!" Sasori looked at the wall Hidan always pounded on.

"Good-night Hidan! Tobi will say hi to you in the morning!"

"Go to hell Tobi!"

"Hidan, Pein said I can't go anywhere with out a big person!"

"Well take the fucking broomstick with a head with you!" Hidan yelled as he banged on his wall once more.

Sasori sighed "Okay Tobi, the only reason why your sleeping in my room is because, nobody trusts you in theirs, while they are sleeping. I'm the only one who is able to watch you all night. I don't really sleep, I rest with my eyes open. Do you understand Tobi?"

"Yes, Tobi is a good boy!"

"Good! So this time you won't think I'm dead, and try to give me mouth to mouth? Or try to restart my heart with Konan's protection stun gun?"

"Tobi will remember!"

"So what did we have for supper tonight?" Sasori asked as a test.

"Chicken!"

"No it was meatloaf."

"Tobi loves meatloaf!"

"Just remember I'm not dead alright?"

"Yes Tobi will."

Sasori got ready for bed and crawled under the covers. Leaving on all his puppetity accessories, so he would't scare the crap out of Tobi in the morning. Tobi rolled back and forth trying to find a comfortable position, making alot of noise and grunting.

"Tobi what are you doing?"

"Konan puts Tobi to bed every night. She hugs Tobi and Glo-Worm and says Good-night Tobi! Good-night Glo-Worm! Sweet dreams I love you! And then kisses us on our heads!"

"Tobi Konan is out right now, she can do it tomorrow night, when she's here."

"Tobi is sad Sasori"

"Fine Tobi!" Sasori got out of bed and did the whole Tobi/Konan good-night ritual. Finishing with a kiss on top of his head. Awww. Sasori walked to the lights and looked at Tobi.

"There you happy? Now go to sl..."

The orange masked man was already sound asleep hugging his Glo-worm. Sasori turned off the lights and went to bed. He set to rest right away not knowing what time Tobi was going to be up in the morning. The room was quiet.

**Day Seven: Zetsu!**

Well you know that Zetsu doesn't really have a house inside, but he does have a green house outside in the back yard. Let's see what goes on in a day of the Akatsuki's back yard! YAY! lol Sorry so late but I'm super busy! So I'll try to write when I can!

-No Canadians were hurt in the making of this story! I am Canadian! YAY:)


	7. Zetsu :Day seven

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything! So please don't sue me! You just might end up owing me money! Hehehe :)

**Day Seven: Zetsu**

Well like I said before, Zetsu doesn't have a bedroom inside the house. But he does own a green house outside, and that where he stays when not on missions. Plus for the fact that he has to sleep with his feet planted in the ground. Well most green houses are made out of glass, so we do have a small view of the back yard and front yard. So here we go! On to day seven of the Akatsuki crew! Let's check out Zetsu does on a typical day, shall we?

It was quiet in the green house as the sun rose over the fence that protected their yard from the neighbors, well it was actually the other way around. The sun slowly heated up the green house to a comfortably warm atmosphere. Zetsu was in the corner with his fly trap (green shell) closed. This is his natural protection while he slept, he did live with S-class criminals, so it was safer that way. His fly trap slowly opened, letting the sun hit him. He smiled as he felt the warmth of it. Once his shell was fully open to it natural state it started to shake a bit. Black and white arms emerged from the top of the fly trap, they held on tight to the top as they pulled the rest of the black and white body wiggled out of the fly trap. He jumped out and stretched his his whole body. He was built like a Greek God! He was 100 percent of manly, duo-personality, planty, weedless, well groomed, goodness, yum! The muscles on his black and white body could rival even Kakuzu's! And yes, his whole body was black and white split right down the middle of him, and yes even, ummm, his fly trap hose was the same colors, just like the rest of his hot planty body!

After he stretched all of his manly hot muscles out, he walked to the other corner of the green house to where a compost pile was. He relieved his morning bladder on top the pile. The only reason why I mentioned this with him, and not with the others is because he actually pee bright green! Tobi loves the color green and was amazed! The first time on a mission with Zetsu, and the plant man pee'd green Tobi was excited. From then on Tobi always wanted to watch the plant man pee, when he had to relieve himself. So Zetsu made sure he only pee'd when Tobi wasn't around. It really didn't look that good when a 28 year old man, who was mentally 5, stared at you multi-colored fly trap hose, while you pee'd. To make matters worse, Tobi then went and told everyone Zetsu had a special weenie, that Tobi loved to look at, and everyone had to come watch Zetsu pee. Yah, Pein and Konan weren't impressed, so now Tobi is not allowed in the green house unsupervised.

When he was done peeing, he walked over to a couple of his plants.

"Ah, good morning Rose, Violet, Tulip and Fern" White sided cooed.

"Yah morning to you too. Bertha, Olga, Ino and Tayuya!" Black side

"Why did you pick such horrible, degrading, awful names?"

"What do you mean by that? What's wrong with the fucking names I picked?" Black side fumed.

"Nothing, never mind."

"No you started it!"

"Please Zetsu not fighting in front of the children, we promised them."

"Whatever Pansy!"

Naked Zetsu walked over to the place where his fly trap was sitting.

"He really didn't mean it Pansy. He's just angry that's all."

"Whatever. Let's just get this over with so we can get back in the fly trap."

"It won't happen if we don't get along right?"

"I know. I know. Sorry! Better?"

"Yes, thank you."

Zetsu went to a table and picked up a 'Plant and Garden Magazine' and smiled pervertedly to him selves.

Time elapses: The plant man loves himself! Single hentai or yaoi style into a jar, which ever one you prefer, while looking at the magazine and talking dirty to Marty the Bonsai tree.

Zetsu took the jar and dumped it into a watering can and added water. He then watered all of his plants that were inside the green house, as the whispered sweet nothings to them and the black side spoke dirty words to them. Once he was done that he went back over to his fly trap shell and squeezed back inside until he was safely covered once more. He uprooted himself and walked over to a table where a plate and fork were kept. He went over to the compost pile and loaded his plate full of the composts decomposing waste material. From the bottom, remember he peed on top. He ate two helpings of the foul smelling substance which did have left over dead bodies in it, and then poured him self a glass of water from the hose that ran from the house to his green house. Once he was done he went to duty as the morning guard.

He disguised him self as a, well big plant and made sure no one came within 30 feet of the house, except the mailman and paperboy. Pein had warned him not to kill and eat them, because they were hard to replace. So Pein ordered for a sidewalk mail post be installed, and of course Tobi got his way like always after a crying fit in front of Konan, and got to pick it out. It was in the shape of Barbie's dream house, all pink and princess like. Tobi picked it out because when you open the mail door a tiny Barbie hands your mail to you. Well theirs used to do that until, one day it jammed and Hidan had trouble getting the mail out of it. He ripped Barbie out of it swearing and cursing at her to let go of the mail. When she didn't Hidan went totally nuts! He even did his whole white, black, skeleton, Jashin ritual thing! He slashed that Barbie bitch to smithereens, and well the mail too, had suffered the same fate.

From the side of the house you could kinda see Zetsu hiding in his fly trap peeking out. The paperboy rode by really fast on his bike and threw the paper right at Zetsu! Zetsu fly trap opened.

"Try that again you little son of a rabid, sheep mothering, prostituting, money less, fugly.."

"Zetsu he's gone. He can't hear you now." White stated.

"Just wait until tomorrow you little paper throwing retard! You'll gets what coming to you!" Black threatened.

"Yes you will!"

"So finally we agree on something?!?!?"

"Huh? What?"

"You agreed with me, that paperboy will get what's coming to him tomorrow."

"Oh, right. Tomorrow is his day to collect for his delivering."

"I knew you were an idiot."

"Oh, be nice it's a beautiful day."

Time elapses: Mailman comes.

Zetsu stalked up to the mailbox when he was across the street. He hid inside the green shell and waited. You could hear the front door open.

"Zetsu get away from the mailbox! You fucking stalker!" Hidan yelled

Zetsu emerged from inside."Bug off Hidan, your ruining the moment." White side

"WTF do you think your doing?" Black side.

"Huh, what?" Hidan asked.

"Pein said you weren't allowed to get the mail anymore." White side.

"After the friggin' Barbie incident!" Black side.

"Screw the both of you! I'm not touching the fucking mailbox! I'm getting the friggin'' mail from the mailman himself!" Hidan growled.

"Your not supposed to do that either." White side.

"You fucking gutted one! Over his naked lady tattoo he had on his arm!"

"It was sacrilege! It was against my religion! He had a dirty whore on his arm! She was not pure! He put unclean thoughts in my head! Jashin is so against dirty women in such a fashion!" Hidan rambled.

The mailman ran by both arguing men and threw the mail at the both of them. Both looked surprised for a second.

Hidan turned and yelled after him. "WTF was that? You call that fucking mail service?!?! I'm phoning your office and reporting you!!! You son of a 10 cent whore!!" He shook his fist angrily.

"Hidan you scared him!" White side.

"Yah, you idiotic Jashinist freak monster!"

"Shut your multi-colored plant hole! Jolly Green Giant! OMG! Look Zetsu a weed!"

Zetsu looked at the grass frantically. "WHERE? WHERE?" White side.

"Find it you blind bugger!" Black side yelled at the white side.

Hidan just stood there and laughed at Zetsu running around the lawn. Zetsu finally realized it was a prank and stopped looking when he heard Hidan laughing so hard he lost his breath. So he came back over to Hidan and picked up all the mail. He found his new Play Plant and Sexy Soil magazines he had ordered last week. Hidan looked over and saw the smut.

"Give me that you filthy perv!" As he grabbed the rest of the mail away from the drooling plant man and went back inside the house. Mumbling in disgust.

Zetsu just watched him and then walked back to the green house. He put his magazines on the table by the Plant and Garden one. He need some company . So he walked to the kitchen door and went inside the house.

After lunch:

Well Konan had to go shopping with Pein so Zetsu got stuck babysitting Tobi. Tobi was warned not to look at Zetsu's fly trap hose. Zetsu tried to state that is was all a misunderstanding. But Konan was still skeptical of the plant man. But for the lack of a babysitter, they decided to give him another chance. Tobi was 28 after all. Tobi ran around in circles until he saw his favorite things in the his backyard world. And off he went to play. Zetsu just replanted himself in the outside pothole of dirt he made. It was really a Gold fish pond at one time, it used to hold Goldfish. But Tobi kept taking them out to play with them. And accidentally killing them due to being out of water for too long, and making Kisame cry when one of them died until they were all gone. Then one of Deidara's many explosions put some much dirt in the pond, it turned in to a giant mud pool. Tobi kept jumping in, because he had on rubber boots to keep his feet dry and clean. But the pond filled mud water went up to his waist. After the ninth time he did this Pein ordered it to be filled. So it was filled with dirt then sand.

Zetsu watched as Tobi went from playing with the wagon to the swing set, from the swing set to his bike, from his bike to the jungle gym, from the jungle gym back to the wagon. Some how he managed to do that all in 5 minutes. After his eighth time around we went to the large bucket that held various toys like skipping rope and balls and stuff like that and pulled some out to play. Zetsu tired from just watching the hyper active boy run around accidentally feel asleep on the job.

Zetsu woke up to some poking to his side. He realized huge his mistake and looked around frantically.

"Tobi! Tobi where are you?!?!"

There was another tap to his side. "Silly Zetsu! Tobi is right here!"

Zetsu looked over at what was tapping him. He turned and saw Tobi wrapped in a green sleeping bag up to his eye hole. He looked down and Tobi who was now burried up to his waist in the dirt sand. Zetsu looked shocked!

"Look Zetsu! Tobi is just like you!"

"What is going on?" Konan asked a bit annoyed as she rounded the corner of the house.

Both men looked over at her. Tobi waved hyper and happily!

"Look Konan! Tobi's a Tobi plant!"

Konan rolled her eyes. "Tobi please come out of there. Look your full of mud and dirt! And why is your sleeping bag outside? Awww jeez! Tobi in the house, lets get you cleaned up."

"Coming Konan!" Tobi struggled to get out. So Zetsu helped him by pulling him out with one hand by the hair, then tossing him onto the grass.

"Zetsu not by the hair!!!" Konan yelled at him.

Tobi just bounced up not hurt at all, and ran past Konan into the house.

"Tobi take off your boots!" She followed him yelling. "Thanks Zetsu!" Konan called behind her as she chased Tobi past the kitchen door.

Zetsu wanting a break after two hours of babysitting, went to go watch some TV with the other guys. But first he had to make a pit stop on his compost pile.

Evening:

Well all plants sleep after the sun goes down and Zetsu was no different. He waited until the timed sprinkler system came on, he did this to make it worked properly. Once it didn't come on and Zetsu almost had a heart attack from walking not so luscious green grass, not that anyone else could tell the difference. He went into his green house and closed the curtains that covered the front view of the back of the house. Sounds odd huh? He went over to where he replants himself at night and replanted there. He waited a few minutes while he made himself comfortable. Once more his human body wiggled it's way out to reveal his hot naked man body. He went over to the table where his new magazines where and well the morning self seeding ritual. Sssssooooo...

Time elapsed: Self seeding process. Not done. Not done. Not done. Not done. Not done. Not done. There done and finished.

Zetsu watered all of his plants with his special seed, he whispered sweet nothing and more dirty words and bid them all a good night. He peed on his compost pile and went back to his fly trap shell and wiggled himself back inside. Once done he uprooted himself and opened the curtains that were closed. He was walking back to replant himself when he heard.

"Don't friggin' think I don't know what your fucking doing when the curtains closed! You perverted sacrilegious man eating plant whore!"

Zetsu was to tired to reply, so he just gave Hidan the finger instead.

"I fucking saw that fucktard!" Hidan yelled.

"Maybe you weren't supposed too Hidan." Sasori added.

"STFU! Or Paco's going to get it Wood Pecker!" Hidan yelled back

Zetsu rolled his eyes and went back and replanted himself ignoring the bickering between the two. After he snuggled in he was soon sound asleep!

**Day Eight: Tobi! Tobi! Tobi!**

Let's see what Tobi does in a day! So it's a definite yes to Pouchi Saku Hime! Thanks for all the reviews! You guys Rock!

Zetsu needed lots of love that's why his chapter is so long! Hot plant smexiness too! (drooling) I know I added a bit more to what the webcam could see but hell it's my story right?LOL:)


	8. Tobi: Day eight

**Disclaimer:** Yah, don't own Nada!

Sorry for the long wait I have been busy lately. But will try to get my chapters out. :)

**Day Eight: Tobi! Tobi! Tobi!**

**Morning:**

6:00 in the morning Tobi tossed and turned in his Little Tykes race car bed, his mask still in place. He was hugging his Glo-Worm and giggling. He hopped out of bed, in his Power Rangers one piece pajama's, including the feet! He ran over to his window and threw open the curtains!

"Good morning world! Tobi loves all of you! Hello mail box! Hello little kitty! Hello sun! Hello rain cloud?"

Tobi put his hands on his hips and tilted his head to the side. "Oh no , it's going to rain today! Oh well, Tobi can play inside with all his fun toys!"

He went over to his dresser and looked in the mirror and his body suddenly jolted. Tobi looked back to the mirror. "Good morning Madara!"

Tobi's voice turned deep and dark. "Good morning Tobi. How are the plans coming along?"

"Good! Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi clapped

"Yes you are. When we finish our plans Tobi, will have ultimate power! We shall rule the world together as one!"

"YaY! Can Glo-worm come?"

"Uh, Sure why not?"

"YaY! Glo-Worm! We will rule Glo-Worm!"

"No, no Tobi the world. We will rule the world! Not the Glo-Worm, the world."

"YaY! Tobi loves the world! And the world loves Tobi!"

"No, not yet Tobi, but they will or die!"

"What?!?! The world doesn't love Tobi?!?! How can Tobi make the world love him? Tobi is sad now Madara." Tobi sniffed.

"Just be patient my simple minded friend, it's all part of the plan. Mahahahahahaha!"

Konan walked in and had Tobi's laundry in her arms. She looked over at Tobi/Madara and rolled her eyes.

"Good morning Madara nice to see you. Good morning Tobi how did you sleep?"

"Good! Tobi had a good sleep and so did Glo-Worm!"

"Always good to hear. So Madara what do we owe the pleasure of your company?" Tobi turned dark, his body language changing.

"I'm here to see how the plans are coming along. Did Pein receive my message the other day from Tobi?"

"Well if you mean the one Tobi handed him saying 'Madam what's you nose if she plant are coning a thong. And your odor's to had very one bake on Oreo-he-mars-roo Yay message loud and clear."

"Is that sarcasm I hear in your voice?"

"No, Madara it's not. Why on earth would I use sarcasm on you? Your special." She gave him glare.

"That's right and don't you forget it! Petty woman."

"What did you just say?!?!" Konan fumed, as she looked up from finishing putting the clothes away.

"On nothing of importance. So how are the guys getting along so far? I picked out the group myself you know."

"Yes, I do know. Fine, if hell was a place on earth, it would be in this house most days. But we all are alive at the end of the day, most days for some of us."

"Well keep the plans rolling, I wish to have Tobi's body in the next 5 years or earlier. I will send more messages to Pein through Tobi."

"Riiiiiight. So I need to get Tobi ready for the day, you guys can't conquer the world in Power Ranger pajama's right?"

"Good bye for now. Serve me well servant of mine! Serve me well!"

"Sure, whatever, at least Tobi's Ritalin for his A.D.H.D. keeps him from emerging." Konan crossed her arms.

"Konan guess what?!?" Tobi looked sad.

"What Tobi?"

"The world doesn't love Tobi!!!"

"Who told you that? Was Hidan hiding in your closet again to get away from Richard?"

"No, Madara said The world doesn't love Tobi! But will later or die!"

"Oh, don't you listen to Madara. The world loves you. And if they don't, their stupid shit bags."

"YaY! Tobi doesn't like stupid shit bags!"

"No, no you don't. Here's your clothes go get ready for the day, and then come down for breakfast. What do you want to eat today?"

"Popcorn!" Tobi threw his arms in the air.

"No, for breakfast."

"Popcorn!" Tobi threw his arms up once again.

"Tobi how about fruit loops?"

"No Tobi wants popcorn!"

"Tobi no! Your not having popcorn for breakfast! Pick some thing else." Konan put her hands on her hips.

"Tobi is sad now! Tobi wants popcorn and Konan said no! Tobi wants Konan to say yes! Tobi is sad! No popcorn for Tobi makes Tobi sad! Popcorn makes Tobi's tummy happy!" Tobi began to cry, wiping a tear from his eye hole.

Konan sighed "Fine! But just for today, next time you ask it will be no, got it?"

"YaY! Tobi loves you Konan!" Tobi gave her a big hug that lifted her off of the ground, well he is at least five inches taller then her.

"I love you too Tobi. Your just lucky Pein is on a mission today with him selves, or the answer would be no."

"Tobi will go get ready!" He grabbed his clothes and ran out of the room, down the hall to the bathroom.

Konan shook her head. "Well at least is not lobster and cheezy poofs like last time." She left the room closing the door behind her.

Five minutes later:

The closet door slowly opened, violet eyes could be seen. Hidan slowly and quietly creeped out from the closet and closed the door behind him. He headed towards the door, when it suddenly swung open.

"Hi Hidan! What are you doing in Tobi's room?"

"Huh? WTF is it to you pumpkin head?" Hidan crossed his arms.

"Hehe, Are playing hide and go seek with Mr. Chicklets again?"

"No! Piss off Tobi and go eat your popcorn! You know if you were my child, I'd beat you!"

"If Tobi was Hidan's child, Tobi would swear, pray and stab himself to make Glo-Worm happy!"

"WTF?!?! Glo-Worm is not a friggin' religion! Jashin is! Glo-Worm is imaginary Tobi! He's not fucking real!"

"Yes he is Hidan!" Tobi protested "Jashin isn't real!"

"FU Tobi! He is too! How come I own all this Jashin stuff and I'm immortal. Huh, if he's not fucking real?"

"Jashin is in your head! That's what Konan says!"

"Screw both of you! You fucking need more medication! Because Glo-Worm's just in your head!"

"No Glo-Worm's on Tobi's bed! See?!?!" Tobi pointed to his bed were indeed Glo-Worm was. "Where is your Jashin?"

Hidan stormed out of Tobi's room "You'll see him when your in fucking hell pumpkin head!"

Tobi shrugged his shoulders and went out his door closing it behind him.

One hour later:

Tobi came running into his room and did three circles before stopping at his drawer and pulling out a new set of clothes. He pulled his old ones off and threw it on the floor behind him. He put the new clothes on and a voice behind him made him jump.

"Hey Tobi I need some of your Play-doh. I ran out of clay. un?" Deidara walked up behind Tobi with his arms crossed.

"Yes! Tobi has Play-doh!"

Tobi ran over to his bookshelf and started to throw everything off and behind him, until he found what he was looking for. He grabbed all three containers and handed them over to the clay bomber.

"Uh, Tobi how come they feel very light, un?"

"Tobi made salty cookies with Mr.Bear!"

"So you ate the Play-Doh?"

"No Tobi had cookies!"

"Uhhhh huhhhh. So you have more besides this?"

"Nope that's all Tobi has. The rest went really hard and Hidan sacrificed it to Jashin! Hidan said it was dead anyways."

"Yah he would. Fine I guess I have to go to the store then, un?"

"Tobi and Kisame are going to the store!"

"When? Anytime soon, un?"

"Yup, right after he's done eating his tuna sandwich!" Tobi nodded.

"Fine pick me up some more clay, un?"

Tobi threw his hands up in the air. "Tobi will!"

"Don't forget, un?" Deidara said as he left the room.

Tobi grabbed his Ninja Turtle umbrella from his closet and left the room closing the door behind him.

After lunch:

Tobi came running in full force and ran over to his toy box. He threw toys around until he found his Little Ninja People toy house.

"Tobi found you let's go play house!" He ran out of the room.

15 Min's later:

Tobi came running in and ran over to his book shelf, threw more stuff around him until he found his coloring books and crayons.

"Hello crayons! Tobi wants to play with you!" And he ran our of the room.

15 Min's later:

Tobi came running in and went to his closet and swung open the door, he rummaged around until he came across his remote control car.

"Yay Tobi found you!" And ran out of his room giggling.

15 Min's later:

Tobi came running in and tripped over his toys. But that didn't even slow him down, he ran over to his book case and grabbed all fifteen books. He ran out the door dropping two of them yelling "Stories YaY!"

An hour later:

Kisame came in with an arm load of Tobi's stuff.

"Tobi you idiot! How the hell can you make such a mess?!?!"

Tobi came in with the rest of his stuff. "Tobi doesn't know?"

"Well help me clean up. Pein's is going to back soon an if he sees this, he'll be mad."

"Tobi doesn't know how to clean! Kisame, you clean up."

"What?!?! You know this all Konan's fault! She should quit babying you so much! How are you ever going to learn?"

"Tobi doesn't know? How?"

"Fine! you put the book shelf stuff away and I'll work on the rest of the stuff."

"Tobi doesn't want to!"

"I'll give you some chocolate."

"YaY! Tobi loves chocolate!"

Well it took about twenty minutes, but it was clean again.

"YaY! Now Tobi gets chocolate! Right Kisame?"

"Yah, sure, whatever, let's go."

Both men left the room.

Two hours later:

Kakuzu walked in and went over to Tobi's desk. He opened the top drawer and looked around. Tobi came wondering in.

"Hello Kakuzu! What are you looking for?"

"I need to find another calculator, Deidara is on his klepto kick again, He stole all my ones out of my desk."

"Tobi has one!" Tobi ran over to his closet and rummaged around until he found it.

"Here you go Kuzu!" He handed him a Dora The Explorer cash register.

Kakuzu took it with a confused look on his face. He raised an eye brow.

"That's all you have? What happened to the one I gave you for Christmas?"

"Diedara blew it up! He said numbers were a BANG! Then it exploded!"

"Fine this will have to do for now. By the way did you happen to see Deidara?"

"Yup, he went outside to the back yard!"

"What?!?!"

A loud bang and a small earth tremor was felt through out the house. Kakuzu looked surprised and then it quickly turned to anger.

"Oh, he better of not! He is so dead!" Kakuzu ran out of the room carrying the cash register with him.

Tobi just shrugged and went over to his desk and looked around until he found his markers, then he left his room.

Evening:

Tobi came in wearing just a towel, he just came out of the bath. He threw it off when he was inside his room ran around in circles, then ran to his dresser. Kakuzu came in.

"Here, I bought you a new toy."

Tobi walked over still naked. "What happened to my Dora cash register?"

"I smashed it."

"Why? I love Dora and Boots!" Tobi whined.

"It drove my beyond crazy every time it gave the answer in Dora Dollars and the cash drawer opened."

"Tobi likes it!"

"Then she wanted me to put my money inside. The bitch even told me how much. It's like she was a money hungry whore! No woman will ever tell me how much money to give her! Ever! She deserved what was coming to her!"

"Money?"

"No death!"

"Ohhhhh." Tobi nodded.

"So here's your new toy, enjoy." Kakuzu said as he left the room.

Well Tobi jumped up and down and took the box out of the bag. It turned out to be Monopoly Junior! Tobi opened the box and set up all the pieces to where they were supposed to go and started to play by himself. Pein came in.

"Tobi what are you doing?"

"Kakuzu bought Tobi a new game!"

"Really? Why?" Pein crossed his arms.

"Because Dora was a money hungry whore!"

"Riiiiiiiight. well you can tell it was from Kakuzu all the money is missing from the game. Oh, well at least we don't have to get H&R Block to do our taxes. I'll get the rest of the game back from him."

"Tobi likes this game!"

"Yah, uh, Tobi your naked, get some clothes on will you? The neighbors teen-aged girl is starring at you again."

They both looked at her, but that didn't stop her from her drooling gaze. Hey, he is a 28 year old, a well built, hot shinobi! Well with the mind of a five year old, but some girls will see past that when a hot body is involved!

Tobi just stood up and waved "Hi Deanna!"

She just waved back slowly and dreamily. Pein went over glared at Deanna and closed Tobi's curtains.

"Tobi likes Deanna! She's so nice! She loves to give Tobi lots of hugs and kisses!!!"

"I bet she does the little tramp! She does the same thing to my other body, that looks like Deidara and to Kisame! I caught her and Kisame making out at the side of the house! With Zetsu and Sasori watching!"

"Well you weren't supposed to see that.' Sasori added in as he walked by.

"Quit corrupting his mind with that talk Pein!" Konan said as she walked in carrying more laundry. "Tobi how do you manage to go through so many clothes in one day?"

"Tobi loves clothes!"

"Good boy Tobi! Now please go put some on." Konan handed him his Barney PJ's.

"Good night Tobi see you in the morning." Pein said as he left the room.

"Good night Pein, Pein, Pein, Pein, Pein, and Pein!" Tobi yelled behind him.

"Good night Tobi sweet dreams."

"Night little guy!"

"Good night baby brother."

"Night Tobi"

"See you in the morning small fry!" The Pein's all said one after the other as they walked by.

Konan rolled her eyes "Great the Pein's in my ass are back again. Another night of weirdness."

"Oh no! Barney fell off Tobi's shirt!" Tobi was running around in a circle like a dog chasing his tail.

Konan stopped him , but almost got knocked over in the process. She took off his shirt and turned it around, He giggled as she put it back on.

"Tobi is ticklish!"

"Okay, hop into bed Tobi."

Tobi hopped into bed and Konan pulled the covers up and grabbed the Glo-Worm out from under his bed, where it fallen in the morning. She snuggled the Glo-Worm beside Tobi and Tobi snuggled into his race car bed. She sat on the bed and smiled at Tobi and gave him a big hug.

"Good night Tobi. Good night Glo-Worm. Sweet dreams, I love you." She kissed the top of Tobi's head and then Glo-Worms.

She quietly left the room, shutting off the light and closing the door behind her. Tobi was fast asleep in to time at all. Awwww. What a cutie pie!

Later that night:

Tobi's door slowly opened and a dark figure slipped in and quietly closed the door behind him. It crawled on the ground past Tobi and to his closet door. As he opened it, it creeked a bit. Tobi stirred and opened his eyes looking towards the figure.

"Hidan?"

"Go back to sleep pumpkin head! Mr. Chicklets fucking escaped again! I'm not taking any friggin' chances!" Hidan whispered loudly as he crawled into the closet.

"Good night Hidan."

"Good night pumpkin head, sweet dreams you little bastard!" He said as he closed the closet door.

Tobi hugged his Glo-Worm, just rolled over and went back to sleep.

**Day nine: Deidara!**

Let's see what the clay bomber/ kleptomaniac is up to today! Just what the hell kinda things does he collect? Well we will see right?

I don't own H&R Block or anything store bought related, if I did I would be rich and pay someone else to write my stories for me!!!!!!!!!!


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